nce long ago in the land of Chassirrrr-Chanaq lived an upright young man named Shazbatz Benai, who lived with his mother on the plains of Chadierrrrrrr. Shazbatz was good to all creatures, from princes to wiesels. Though it was often his habit to avoid the company of asps. He was a devoted son and possessed exceptional skills as a dyer of wool and weaver of garments. His carpets and many colored coats were renowned throughout all of Nabierrrrrrr.
Then one day in the fourth month, three sojourners appeared at the rear gate of Shazbatz’ mother, Bazshatz Benai. One, a Mizzerite priest, pulled a goat on a rope.
“Schazbatz Benai,” said Schazbatz’ mother, “three men are wearied out by the gate. One of them pulls a goat. Please make yourself wholesome and offer them water and figs.” So Schazbatz obeyed his mother and brought the men raisin cakes, new figs, and well water. The Mizzerite’s goat ate eighteen wooden weaving pegs and lapped two bowls of turquoise dye.
When the men and goat were refreshed, they spoke of kingdoms and kings. Then the goat looked at Schazbatz and spoke the words of a man.
“Schazbahh…baahh!…bathhtz Benai…there is homage to pay to the One who baahhh…lives on the windy dune. Go to him now baahhh… baahhh!…and he will open your baahhh…mind to baahhh…his will bah! There are many new truths in the universe Shazbaaahhhbatz Benai. You baahhh…have been baahhh… chosen. So go now Shazbaaahhh…baahh…baahhh!…batz. Baahhh…there is much baahhhh!…work to…baahhh!..do on the aahhh…baaahhh!…dune. Baahhhh.”
Shazbatz was taken by the goat’s strange words. What manner of goat is this that bleats the words of a man and bids me to go? Shazbatz thought. Then Shazbatz asked the Mizzerite the meaning of his goat.
“He is special goat as you can see Shazbatz Benai. It is he who brought us here from Maccccchabib to bring you his words of wisdom. He is most holy and speaks the truth.”
“And what, Mizzerite, is the name of this one I must seek? And where lies this windy dune?” Shazbatz asked.
“His name is Naaaaabaaahhh…Naaaa…baaahhh…chabiem…Nachabiem Lauchadien El Kibaaahhh… Kibutz El Cadieen,” said the goat. “But his worshipers…baahhh!…know him…aahhh…as the ‘most holy one on the windy dune.’ The dune lies to the south in the Egypt…the Egyptia…Egyptian plane in Aaaahhhh…Aqabaaaah…baaahhh!..Aqaba. Aqaba.”
“He will make you wise beyond your years,” the priest said,” but you must seek him now to find his will.”
“And what is his will priest?” Shazbatz asked, now disturbed by the stranger’s words.
“You cannot know the one’s true will until you sojourn to seek him. Go now Shaaaazbatz… baahhh!…Benai. Go to the windy dune,” the goat butted in, now angered by Shazbatz’ questionings.
“I must leave my mother and weaving business to hear of this one’s holy truths?” Shazbatz asked.
“Yes, but you must leave with the morning’s sun,” said the Mizzerite. Then the priest stood up to bid his leave and handed Shazbatz a map. “It is holy map Shazbatz,” said the priest, now disturbed by the goat’s displeasure. “It will show you the way to the one on the windy dune.” Then he stood up and bid his leave.
“So be it, and peace be upon you Mizzerite priest! And to you goat, the oddest of goats I have ever seen,” Shazbatz said as they left to go.
The other two sojourners in the company were angered by Shazbatz’ words, but they bid the lad a good journey nevertheless.
After the men left, Shazbatz Benai ran to his mother Bazshatz Benai, to tell of his strange encounter with the holy goat.
“He is a holy goat mother,” Shazbatz explained. But his mother fought against his words.
“Shazbatz Benai, goats of his kind are few, so why should he speak to you?” his mother asked.
“I know not why mother,” answered Shazbatz. “But when the goat looked and spoke, I sensed my destiny at the windy dune. Please mother, I must go.”
“Please no! my son,” pleaded Shazbatz’ mother. “There are plans for you at present, and I dearly need you.”
“Yes, I know mother, and we shall fulfill those in time. But for now, I must ready myself for this appointed journey to the one who waits at the windy dune.”
In the darkness of the new day’s dawn, Shabatz Benai made ready his camel and left Chassirrrrr-Chanaq in the plain of Chadierrrrrrr for the deserts of Shish-kabob. And verily, they were hot. The first few day’s were wearying from the heat. So Shazbatz Benai sojourned by night to avoid Shish-kabob’s heat.
On the evening of the fifth night, Shazbatz Benai thought he saw the dune in the moonlight by the wells of Aquaba. So he stopped to sleep with great hope of meeting the one on the dune in the early morning sun.
But a sudden sand storm kept Shazbatz awake most of the night. And when the sun rose in the morning, the dune by the wells was gone. It had been scattered away by the night’s windy storm.
So Shazbatz led his camel east to continue with his search.
“No worry Yahshuerrr, we will find the one further east,” Shazbatz said to his camel, to comfort himself.
On the sixth day of Shazbatz Benai’s journey, another dune appeared. But it too blew away as he drew near. The same occurred on the new moon and on older moons six nights past.
While the sun rose on the seventh day, Shazbatz’ camel Yahshuerrr nudged his master and spoke the words of a man.
“Shazbatz you are a retarted giffeldefish. A schlemiel of moronic proportions, Oy!” said the talking camel.
“My camel speaks?” Shazbatz mumbled as he rolled out of his sleep.
“Yes, son of men. I have now carried your burden for seven hot days and six freezing nights in this miserable Arabian desert. And today I am prompted to speak,” the camel said.
“So, speak,” Shabatz said.
“The dunes are not there when you arrive to worship Shazbatz Benai. The one whom you seek also blows with the sand when the wind scatters the desert as you approach. Can you not see this? Can you not see that the will of the Mizzerite and his wood eating goat is to keep you distracted all of your days, chasing Arabian wind? It can never be caught and can never be found,” the camel said.
Shazbatz Benai was astounded at the truth of Yahshuerrr’s words, and bowed before the beast.
“It takes the words of a carrier of baggage to show me how foolish I am?” Shazbatz quizzed in pitied remorse.
“Get up klutz,”and go home to your mother,” Yahshuerrr said. “You have missed thirty orders of coats and some ten fleeces since the goat and his blockhead servants distracted your affairs. The goat visits everyone according to his own ways. And your mother has cooked three pots of staling chicken soup since you have been away,” Yahshuerrr rebuked.
“But most important Shazbatz Benai,” the camel continued, “no sacrifice was offered on the eve of the dawn of the new day or old morning before you left…so the Most High has now touched me to speak His words. He is ready to forgive and is awaiting your Sabbath vows. So get up fish. Get home wid ya now,” Yahshuerrr finished, and spoke not again.
Seven nights later as Shabatz Benai returned home to the plains of Kadierrrrrrr, a bright light appeared in the heavens over Shazbatz’ home. And a small voice pierced the tranquil silence of the starlit night, “Shazbatzzzz…” it echooedd lightly. “Zince ven does a gut boy like you listen to da vurds of goats ant Mizzerites? Watch out for da goat always boy. He vants to get yours. Tell him no no, never yes. Ant let no zudden disturbance convuse you kid. Vindy dunes are vor vagabonds ant those widdout my mizpeach. Get it? Get on wid ya now. Be good. Ant nefer forgit to be kind to your mother, ant strangers, ant aliens, ant widows, ant orphans too,” the voice finished.
So Shazbatz Benai returned to his calling, bought his mother a new habit, and prospered greatly as he grew in faith.
The End.
By Mark Norris