Reach inside NOW for your holy glove!
I greet-ah you again this month in the wuderful name of Barley Loaf Harvest Center to inform you of-ah the greatest-ah revelation God has given-ah me for you to date.
Last month while I was-ah sleepin’, I felt a nudge on-ah the nape-ah of my neck, and ah-suddenly, I was stuck in a room of uh-honey and jam. It was sweet, and ah-thick, but I couldn’t move-ah because I had ah-literally been ah-jammed to the corner of-ah my dream. But I was able-ah to reach-ah one hand out to take a scoop of the tasty-ah purple goo, and when I tasted it, WHAM-ah, I heard a voice from ah-behind me-ah that said: “If-ah my ah-people will help-ah you scoop-ah this ah-substance of delight from the jammed spiritual atmosphere that-ah surrounds them today-ah, I will JAM-ah the devil’s works in their lives, and make-ah them rich, that is-ah if they will give-ah you good offerings this month.” That’s what the voice told me neighborz and friendz.
Then, I saw a vision of a huge scooping-ah glove, and was told-ah to put it on and scoop all around. When I did, the jam and honey smotherin’ me was-ah suddenly turned to pure gold coins that piled on the ground, and the voice-ah said: “This-ah is what the people-ah wil receive-ah as they-ah give good offerings and-ah scoop with you too. But-ah they must do it with much-ah good Barley Loaf faith, or they’ ll just-ah stay-ah in their jam. ”
Friendz, the color of the honey and jam, red, and purple, was later made known to me-ah as representative of the blood and royalty. The sketching of the glove at the end of this letter is an exact copy-ah of the glove I was given to use in the dream. And I’m-ah writing you today, to tell you that when-ah you write in-ah with a good-ah offering to request one of your own, put it on, and wave it all around-ahhhh, the spiritual atmosphere that surrounds you right NOW-ah will produce golden coins that-ah fall to the floor, that is if you write in today with offerings, and you believe for the coins in faith.
For a good offering gift of $1,120.66 this month, I will send you a holy glove that will turn the air around you into gold coins. And when you use it, believe-ah me friends, you’ns will be gald you did.
So, write me today at:
Rev. S.I. Dimwitty
Barley Loaf Harvest Center
P.O. Box 66606
Trappersville, N.C. 92301
P.S. Don’t forget to ask for your holy glove!